Fat Bald Guy: I think I should get rid of Relatively Attractive and CERTAINLY out of my league girl. Working with your Mrs is a f*cking nightmare, she keeps pulling me up on my flirting, it's like we're married or something. If I wanna keep my options open, that's my prerogative... Have you seen the new blonde in events? Ooosh. I'd destroy the hell out of that.
Possibly Impotent Old Man: Who's this? Girl we wouldn't be discussing if she reverted back to her natural mousy brown colour? Oh yeah, I'd love to have a go on her. (If I could. I'm crying on the inside)
Male Samantha Brick: You's lot should broaden your horizons. Kinda girl I want won't be found here. If she don't look like Kim Kardashian, I ain't interested. Don't get me wrong, these girls are OK for a bunk up but I'm not committing to anything less than a 10. Have you seen Cheryl Cole's pic in today's Daily Mail? She's looking rotten.
Marketing Lackey: Don't care much for Cheryl, the fat b*tch.
It's no secret that many men are shallow and delusional, but a valuable lesson can be learnt from this misguided bunch. We are all commodities. If you want to attract a better rate on the open market, your shop front should not look like a closing down sale...in Libya.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with aiming high, in fact, I encourage it, but any fisherman will tell you, you cannot catch salmon with a cardboard rod. If you have a set idea of the kind of person you want to settle down with, you really have to ask yourself why this perfect person would want you.
Not such a pleasant thought perhaps, and rarely one tackled with the required honesty. It's not about being someone else to attract someone who may not exist, it's about being the best possible version of YOU.
- Addressing the things that make us unhappy and taking steps to change them. There is nothing attractive about a girl who listens to Morrissey whilst crying into an empty ice-cream tub.
- Really looking after yourself, physically. (Slimmer people make better stalkers)
- Being secure in your own gorgeousness so that you don't need constant reassurance...(you know that's annoying, right?)
- And most importantly, you should be looking for someone who'll enhance your life rather than bring in a missing element. Broke ass people take note, being self sufficient is sexy.
Xx
